|All my friends are complaining that their husbands are so
hands-off when it comes to the baby. It probably sounds so
weird to be complaining about this but I have the opposite
problem – my husband is completely besotted with his
new son and I feel so left out! Please help me to handle this
like an adult!
It’s really not that unusual to feel the way you
do – you are not selfish or abnormal, just a woman
who formerly had her husband to herself, learning to share
his attention. Start by appreciating their bond. When you
see them together, be aware of the love between them as
opposed to the love you aren’t getting. If the relationship
between them has a chance to blossom now, there will be
many, many times in the future that you will be very glad
that the bond exists. It will be an extremely valuable commodity
in the years to come – and especially when you have
a teen on your hands. It may seem like an impossible dream
now, but you will be amazed at how fast that small person
will turn into a small adult! Try and turn the situation
to your advantage – when your husband comes home from
work and wants playtime with baby, you could use that as
a perfect opportunity to get a few things done, prepare
the supper in peace, or even pop out for a coffee with a
friend. This way you also benefit from the situation and
can see it more positively.
See if joining in the fun helps you feel less excluded.
Join in the cuddles. Participate in the games. Snuggle up
when he reads a story.
You may also need to explain to your husband in a gentle
and non-confrontational way that you feel excluded. Don’t
let the situation build up, speak out before it really becomes
an issue for you. He is probably unaware of your feelings.
It is also not impossible that he is feeling excluded by
you. Had you considered that? Maybe if you are just a bit
more demonstrative towards him, he will reciprocate!
Things are changing a lot for you at the moment. It takes
time for the family to establish itself. Be patient, loving
and caring and before long this issue will be behind you
and you will be so, so grateful to have a partner who is
so involved in your child’s life.