|I cannot say that things are going too well in my marriage
right now. My husband is completely baffled as to why I am
so tired. Since I am home all day he feels he should be able
to come home to a wonderful clean house and the aroma of home
cooking. The reality of an exhausted and grouchy spouse is
hard for him to understand. How do I explain this to him?
It is really hard for some men to understand what all the
fuss is about. It is your difficult job to educate your
husband without getting annoyed. You could start by asking
him to care for the baby for a few hours on the weekend
while you go and do shopping and other chores. Make sure
he knows how to change the nappy, where everything is, and
leave when the baby is newly fed. Stay out for a good few
hours. This experience may be enough to make him a little
more understanding. Try to make this a regular event. You
are doing everyone a favour. Your husband gets an understanding
of what it entails to care for a baby. Plus he will gain
in confidence in caring for the baby. Allow him to do things
his way when he is in charge, even if you don’t agree
with the way he does things. It is good for the baby to
do things a little differently sometimes. In addition, the
relationship between baby and dad will become strengthened.
Hopefully, it will become a special time for the two of
them, and you may even be able to make it into an opportunity
to do the kinds of things that you did before baby, like
go to a coffee shop with a friend.
If that does not make any difference to the situation,
you may consider discussing counselling with your health
care worker. Perhaps if your husband hears from a third
party the facts about how tiring and difficult mothering
can be, he may begin to be more sympathetic. Being able
to air your views in a safe forum with an impartial arbitrator
can be helpful in aiding you to understand each other’s
point of view.
There is another aspect to consider, and that is that your
husband feels left out. He misses the wife he once had.
He is grumpy because he comes home at the end of the day,
and is greeted by a chaotic situation. The wife he used
to share everything with is too tired and fed up to show
any interest in his life. The sex life he used to value
has disappeared. And possibly he too is exhausted and depressed
because of the broken nights. Perhaps a little mutual sympathy
and discussion will help him feel that all is not lost.
He will regain the wife he once knew. In fact, a better
and wiser version! It is not uncommon for women to be so
physically fulfilled through caring for the baby that they
are no longer warm and caring towards their spouses. Try
and arrange your day so that there is a little less chaos
at the moment he arrives home. Be pleased to see him, and
include him in the evening’s activities. Perhaps he
could be in charge of bath time while you potter in the
kitchen. You are a family now, so make sure that everyone
in the family feels that they are valued.
from pregnancy and birth
Recovering from pregnancy and birth - Food faux pas
Recovering from pregnancy and birth - Healthy
Recovering from pregnancy and birth - Role
Recovering from pregnancy and birth - Simplifying