Baby’s relationship with carer

I really can’t figure out how to accept that the nanny is going to spend more time with my baby than I am. What if my baby prefers her nanny to me? What if the nanny does not understand the baby the way I do? How will I know that everything is okay when I am not around much?

The first thing that you have to be sure about is that you are the most important person in the life of your baby. There may be times when your small baby is hurt, and calls for the nanny rather than you – and that will be a difficult moment for you to accept. But when all is said and done, no one can replace you in the heart of your baby. The bonds that working mothers form with their babies can be just as strong as those of stay-at-home moms. Your baby needs to know that you love her and that is all that matters.

So remind yourself that you want the baby to have a close and loving bond with the carer. And the fact that the baby can be comforted by the carer, and might call for the carer when sad, is the very thing that will reassure you that you chose the right person to be with your baby. You have to be very careful to ensure that you do not create a sense of competition with the carer. It is really important that the best outcome for the baby is the one that you keep in mind!

Choosing the nanny carefully is the best insurance that you have. Your instincts, and your baby’s reaction to her, will tell you most of the story. Check the references carefully, as previous employers will be able to tell you a great deal about this person. Have a list of questions ready when you interview prospective nannies. Think about the things you need to know that will reassure you about who this person is.

And then you need to think clearly through what it is that you want the nanny to do. If you don’t lay out a clear routine, then you cannot be disappointed if it isn’t followed. Your views on food, sleep, play, routine should all be made clear to the carer. Don’t assume anything. Make lists to make sure that you don’t forget anything. Have emergency numbers in prominent places, and discuss emergency procedures. If the person you employ does not have first aid training, then it would be wise to employ her early enough that she can do a first aid course and be well qualified to cope with any situation that could arise. These are the types of preparations that are going to really help you have confidence that your baby is well cared for.

And then once you are at work, ask yourself if your baby seems contented and bonded to the carer. These are signs that you will be able to read. Ask a friend or your mother to pop in periodically to check if things are being run as you would like. Trust your instincts and try and relax and trust that you have done all you can to ensure that things run smoothly.